There was a time when the Sunshine State was known for harvesting citrus crops and snowbirds. Unfortunately for Florida many of those Yankee migrators have stopped permanently in the Carolinas. This time it was not your basic “South of the Border” obligatory fuel top off and opportunity to browse among the resort’s gift shop display of faux Mexican handicrafts. The snowbirds were establishing new nesting sites in both Carolinas. Their annual winter sojourns were being shortened. Many were aware of the crowding, traffic issues and steadily accelerating insurance rates and taxes at the end of the Interstates. Property was cheaper in the Carolinas. Taxes and other expenses were also lower. Sure you had to contend with winter but for those accustomed to northern seasons, you just needed to turn up the heat. It wasn’t a total loss for Florida however. As rapidly as it was bulldozing citrus groves and planting subdivisions with thrown together block homes it was welcoming new crops. The state has become the mecca for America’s worst drivers and countless sex offenders. I have driven all over the United States. Northeastern drivers are cutthroat and aggressive but predictable. Drivers in Los Angeles pack area roads in a nearly nonstop stream but to my surprise they were orderly. Whenever I needed to change lanes it was only a matter of putting my signal on and cars would slow enough to allow lane crossings. I still cannot account for their tendency to drive at the same speed three across, blocking all the lanes. Nor the large gaps that would appear in the traffic flow for no obvious reason. Changing lanes in Florida can be very dangerous. Even the police seldom use directional signals. You never know if or when drivers to either side of you will suddenly veer into your lane. They are all in a hurry. In the rare cases where a signal light is blinking there is no assurance the driver intends to turn. The light could have been blinking since he arrived from Michigan twelve years ago. The guy with the FUCK BIDEN bumper sticker and Maga hat won’t telegraph his turns because ‘IT’S NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS WHICH WAY HE’S GOING!!” Any one of the drivers could be packing a handgun and feel “threatened” enough to stand his or her ground. The driver courteously waiting for you to pass will pull out in front of you impulsively, allowing you to test your brakes and reaction times. Drivers around you could be 18 or 80, licensed and insured or not, sober and alert or utterly plastered. Any bad decision, operating mistake, insane move or mind numbingly imbecilic habit you could attribute to someone operating a motor vehicle can be experienced and enjoyed here. Just keep your license and registration handy.
As for sex offenders, one of my tenants once showed me a computer graphic which showed the locations of registered sex offenders in my immediate area. I asked him to shut it off. It was as though politicians had gerrymandered the town to cluster every flasher, school yard masturbator, bicycle seat sniffer and rapist here in our little bit of paradise. Just keep the doors and windows locked.